Alphabet Drabbles
by iAmKayBo
Summary: Several vignettes into the life that Ennis and Jack have made together in a small colorado town.
1. Alone

Title: Alone

Author: KayBo

Rating: PG

Word count: 550

Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis belong to Annie Proulx and all others who had a hand in bringing them to life. I own nothing and have nothing to sue over.

He is alone again.

Not physically alone, of course. Ennis is sitting right in front of him. Sitting on the couch with a beer in one hand and the remote in the other. A look at his face seems to say that he doesn't have a damn care in the world.

Jack hates it. Jack hates the way that Ennis doesn't seem to have a single human emotion. It doesn't seem to matter that they have been together for over 25 years. And it doesn't seem to matter that Jack is slowly falling apart after gaining the one thing he desired most in the entire world.

Ennis chuckles a bit at the comedian. Takes a sip of his beer.

Jack feels an irrational stab of anger that the can receives more physical affection and attention than he does. Ennis hasn't touched him in weeks. Hasn't spoken to him in days. Hasn't looked at him in hours. Hmm, maybe not so irrational after all.

Jack wishes that things were different. He wishes that he could be strong enough to say something to Ennis. In his more absurd moments, he wishes he could read Ennis's mind. In his more pathetic moments, he wishes that they had never moved in together. At least before, Ennis gave him frantic kisses, fevered touches, and desperate embraces. Now he's lucky to get a "good morning" or a clap on the shoulder.

Ennis is still fixated on the television set.

Jack is slowly beginning to hate the inanimate objects in his house. He wonders briefly if this is a sign that he is losing his mind. He decides that he must be because he began hating the people in the quiet Colorado town they live near months ago. He hates them, because Ennis does not. Because Ennis can say hello to them without hesitation. He tips his hat to people on the street. He offers handshakes with nary a sideways look.

He's never like this when it comes to Jack. Jack gets a cursory nod as acknowledgement. Jack gets a sharp look when he reaches to touch Ennis's shoulder. Jack gets a cold bed no matter how many blankets he piles on the mattress. Jack begins to wish, again, that he had left well enough alone. The intensity was gone. The fire reduced to embers.

Ennis frowns at a commercial for women's products. Takes another sip of his beer.

Jack vows to give up drinking. Then remembers that drinking is the only thing that keeps his mind away from troublesome thoughts. Thoughts of his ugly divorce. Thoughts of his son who spat at his feet and vowed that he had no father. Thoughts of losing his Ma to pneumonia. And of course, thoughts of Ennis. Everything always came back to Ennis.

Ennis fidgets a little on the old couch. Adjust himself and settles back into the worn cushions.

Jack adds another object to his list of things to burn. He sighs and focuses on the small screen. He takes a sip of his whiskey and tries to forget. And he only succeeds when he fades into oblivion.

...To Be Continued


	2. Bruised

Title: Bruised

Author: KayBo

Rating: G

Word count: 500

Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis belong to Annie Proulx and all others who had a hand in bringing them to life. I own nothing and have nothing to sue over.

Bruised

Something is wrong with Jack.

Ennis knows that Jack thinks he hasn't noticed. Ennis notices everything.

He sees Jack laugh a little less. He sees that the smile doesn't reach those perfect blue eyes. He sees the spirit in those perfect blue eyes wither away.

Thinking of Jack's eyes makes Ennis think of better days. Days when those eyes lit up at the sight of him. He remembers back to a passionate reunion after being apart for almost eight months. Jack was so eager to embrace him, that Jack's infamous harmonica flew out of his hands the moment Ennis stepped out of his truck.

Ennis chuckles. Takes a sip of his beer.

Ennis feels Jack tense slightly on the couch next to him. He doesn't know what to do about Jack. He wants to fix the problem. He wants Jack to look at him and he wants to see those perfect blue eyes. He can't stand to see Jack with the distress etched so plainly in his features. He wants it to be like it was before. Back when they were so ardently intimate with one another.

Jack has been giving him sideways looks for a few minutes now, Ennis notices. Ennis wants to say something to let Jack know that he is here for him. That he wants to make the bruises on his heart go away. The words die before they make it to his throat. Ennis doesn't believe in words. Words can be false, but actions speak volumes to him.

Ennis thinks of his two daughters still in Riverton. He thinks how rarely he gets to see them. Junior is all grown up, starting her own family. Francine is almost there as well. Sometimes it takes all of Ennis's willpower to keep his tears at bay thinking on how much he is missing by not being there. But he is here. Here with Jack.

Ennis doesn't want to see Jack with a bruised heart ever again. He knows that Jack couldn't continue as things were. He was slowly dying. Ennis knew that if a change didn't come, Jack or him or someone would have died. Ennis can't stand that. Not Jack. He doesn't want to be the cause of another problem to darken those perfect blue eyes.

Ennis doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to tell Jack these things. He tries to make himself more available to Jack. He tries to lend him the silent support that Jack seems to need. He is there for him always, but Jack seems to disappear even more.

Ennis frowns.

He will just have to try harder. For all of the things that he can't say, he will show Jack exactly what he means to him. He will never make Jack regret their life together. He will never see another bruise on his man's heart because of him again.

Ennis carries Jack's limp body to bed that night and doesn't remember a single image from the television. All he can see are Jack's flat, gray eyes.

...To Be Continued


	3. Comatose

Title: Comatose

Author: KayBo

Rating: G

Word count: 360

Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis belong to Annie Proulx and all others who had a hand in bringing them to life. I own nothing and have nothing to sue over.

Comatose

Jack is slipping into a coma. He's not bedridden, sluggish, or showing any outward sign of his impending collapse. But keeping up the façade is sucking him dry.

Jack has no time for anything else these days. His work suffers. His appearance suffers. His heart suffers. And every lonely day, his eyes dim a little more. His eyes get a little duller. He expects them to turn into a lifeless gray at any minute. How ironic, Jack thinks, that his eyes are fading, while Ennis' are growing warmer. They are becoming as warm and toasty as two hot mugs of cocoa on a freezing winters night. Jacks eyes are twin icebergs.

Jack walks into his kitchen. He is tempted to throw away the remaining beer cans. Maybe if they are gone, Ennis will touch **him** again. Jack thinks back to the old days. The more fervent the touch, the shorter the amount of time they had together. Ennis has to return to his ranch and Jack returns to his loveless marriage. He doesn't know if he could go back to that constant strain.

At least here, the strain is made slightly more bearable with Ennis's presence. Here, Ennis is real. Jack remembers when it would get so bad that he convinced himself that Ennis was a figment of his unstable mind. Sometimes he reaches out to touch him, just to remind himself that he isn't quite that crazy anymore. Jack leaves the beer in the refrigerator.

Jack needs some air. He wanders to the back porch of the house in search of air, and an epiphany. He isn't holding his breath on the latter.

Jack tries to think deep, constructive thoughts. All he sees in his minds eye is the grocery list in his hurried scrawl. He closes his eyes and exhales slowly. He counts to ten and imagines himself, broken and bloody, lying in a ditch. He feels nothing.

Jack imagines Ennis's face as his own. He feels less than he thought would. Jack knows that something has to give.

"I still can't figure out quite how to quit you, Ennis." Jack sighs and steps back in the house.


	4. Damaged

Title: Damaged

Author: KayBo

Rating: G

Word count: 282

Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis belong to Annie Proulx and all others who had a hand in bringing them to life. I own nothing and have nothing to sue over.

Damaged

Ennis feels like he has been kicked in the stomach. The hammer in his limp hand falls to the ground. Birds continue chirping. The sun is still shining. The world is still spinning.

Ennis is standing still. Frozen.

"_I still can't figure out quite to quit you, Ennis."_

Jack doesn't want him anymore. Jack is going to leave him. Ennis can't think of anything else except those words slipping from the mouth of the man he loves. He wants to shove them back in. Shove them so far that they aren't even a thought in Jack's head. If only Ennis could.

If only I could have been better, he thinks. If only I could have made him smile and laugh, he thinks. Ennis goes over all of the exchanges between them for the past year. All the of the signs of Jack's distress were there, now the cause is only too clear.

Jack didn't touch him anymore. Jack tensed when he was nearby. The sideways looks. The ill-concealed sighs. All of it because of Ennis.

Hindsight is always 20/20 Ennis thinks bitterly. He thinks back on his marriage to Alma. He should have known the minute he stepped of Brokeback that it would never have worked. He should have known that Jack was too much a part of him to forget and sweep under the rug. He should have known that he would get his due and everything would turn to dust around him.

If only he could have been better…

"_I still can't figure out quite to quit you, Ennis."_

Ennis unglues himself from the Earth and walks toward the house. He won't stand in the way of Jack's wants anymore.


	5. Exchange

Title: Exchange

Author: KayBo

Rating: R

Word count: 420

Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis belong to Annie Proulx and all others who had a hand in bringing them to life. I own nothing and have nothing to sue over.

Exchange

Heavy footsteps.

A pause.

"Jack."

Mocking. "Ennis."

A beat.

Feet shifting.

Sarcastic (impatient). "What, Ennis? You got somethin' t'say?" Under his breath "Don' know why I bothered askin', the answers always no..."

An unintelligible mumble.

"I guess it'd be helpful if I could speak cave-man, huh Ennis?"

Another pause.

Slowly. "I'm leaving in the morning, Jack."

Complete silence.

"I can't stand it anymore. I mean it, Jack."

A strangled noise.

Almost inaudibly. "…what?"

"I'm sure you can find a good hand'r two to help out, or you can try to keep it up yerself, but I'm gone at firs' light."

"Well that's just great, Ennis. Fuckin' great. All these years and you wait til now to say something? Jesus Christ, Ennis..."

"Jack..."

A pregnant pause.

The voice cracks, "It's for th'best...you'll see. You won' hafta worry anymore."

A sharp look.

"What did you say t'me, Ennis Del Mar? For the best? You think it'll be for th'best to run on home like a good little cowboy? Slither your way back ta Riverton with yer tail between yer legs hopin' and prayin' everyone'll ferget about who ya are? **What **ya are? You think Alma's gon let you round the girls, Ennis? After what she said ta you?"

"Now Jack, just stop-"

"No Ennis, you stop. You told me that this was it. That you were leaving the past behind and that this is **it**. Well this **is** it! I can't stand it either. I can't stand you sleeping in the bed next me, cold as ice. I can't stand eating at a table alone because you hafta be gone from the sight of me. I can't stand you looking at me and wishing you were anywhere but here. So go, Ennis! Go on back to your life, so I can go about endin' mine. Because I just can't take this anymore.

Broken "Jack..."

Quiet sobs. A few sniffs.

"Jack, doncha see? See what this is doin' to ya? I'm bad for you. I never do right. Ev'ryone'd be better off if I just left. Ev'rything I touch turns to dust 'round me."

A deep breath.

"Dammit Ennis...Why can't you see? I **can't go on** without you. If you leave...I'm not tryin' anymore."

Footsteps.


	6. Falter

Title: Falter

Author: KayBo

Rating: G

Word count: 400

Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis belong to Annie Proulx and all others who had a hand in bringing them to life. I own nothing and have nothing to sue over.

Falter

Ennis is jerked into consciousness.

He opens his eyes slowly. It can't be later than 4:30am. The sun hasn't yet risen and he is faced with one of the toughest decisions of his life.

Ennis sees Jack's eyes turn to granite in his mind's eye, replaying the stilted conversation they had yesterday.

Ennis has packed his bags. He has said goodbye to the horses. He has even said good bye to Jack.

Jack…No matter what Ennis tries to picture, the grey eyes keep appearing. All he wants is for them to return to the clear blue sky that he grew up under. The sky that reminded him of when things were still bearable. When his parents were alive, when his family was still intact.

Jacks grey eyes are as cold as the rain that fell on his head the day his sister told him that she had no more room for him. That Ennis had to find his own way on his own.

Ennis tries to remember a day in which Jack's face doesn't appear. He tries to think of a time when he hasn't yearned to be in his man's arms. He snorts quietly at the impossibilty.

His girls faces swim to the forefront of his brain. He thinks that they are all grown up, and that he has missed most of their youth. He knows that he doesn't think of them as much as he thinks of Jack. He knows that soon, Junior will have a child of her own and Francine will be graduating from that fancy college of hers.

Despite his shortcomings, they turned out fine. Maybe he isn't a complete failure after all.

Ennis pictures Alma's plain features and replays the hateful words she hurled at him like blades all those years ago. He remembers the fear that she intensified with her unsubtle threats. Her plots to expose Ennis's secrets to everyone. He doesn't have to worry about her anymore.

He pictures himself dead, on the side of the road, with his dick pulled off. The image is fuzzier than it's ever been, like his mind is having a hard time confirming its validity.

Ennis has packed his bags…and he's not sure that he needs what's inside of them anymore.

Ennis has said goodbye to everyone and everything important.

He just has to say goodbye to one last thing and then his new life can begin.


	7. Hopeful

Title: Hopeful

Author: KayBo

Rating: G

Word count: 460

Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis belong to Annie Proulx and all others who had a hand in bringing them to life. I own nothing and have nothing to sue over.

Hopeful

Jack opens his eyes. It seems as if his brain went to sleep against his wishes. He is curled into the fetal position and thinks that it is appropriate, seeing as he can sink no lower.

Jack does not want to get out of his bed. He closes his eyes against the bright light creeping through his window and wishes, just one more time, that he would get his happily ever after.

After all of the wishes, he would be grateful for even an okay-ever-after.

Jack pulls himself out of bed, though, because he has to. He has to see the damage that has been done to his home. He needs to see the wreckage of Ennis's actions.

Jack is lost in his own head as he stumbles listlessly down the creaky stairs and meanders towards his kitchen. It is never too early for a whiskey and Jack thinks he'll need one to get through the next ten minutes.

The sight that greets him is enough for him to grip the wall for support.

The curtains in the kitchen have been drawn allowing all of the late-morning rays to illuminate the kitchen. There is a red and white checked tablecloth on the small table. A vase sits with some scraggly flowers from the backyard.

Ennis's tongue is peeking out from the confines of his mouth and his face is drawn in concentration. He is standing at the stove trying to fry bacon and eggs in the same pan. After a few seconds he seems to think that the food is satisfactory and plates it quickly, managing to keep both himself and the countertops clean.

Jack watches all of this and wonders if he is still sane. He heard the door open. He heard the door close. Jack decides, by that logic, that this Ennis is a mirage. A wonderful mirage for a man who will never get through the desert.

In an effort to preserve the image, Jack tries to stay as still as possible. His resolve is broken when Ennis falters trying to carry all of the dishes to the cozy country table at one time. The glasses in his hand begin to rattle and Jack is forced to take action, lest his vision take a bad turn.

Ennis glances Jack's way in surprise, settling the dishes on the table.

"Thought I'd hafta come up there and yank you outta bed, bud." His voice rumbles, breaking the sudden silence.

Jack stares, for once unable to form a single word.

They sit at the table and begin to eat. The bacon is burnt, and the eggs are on the runny side. The toast is charred and the orange juice is much too acidic.

Jack thinks it is the best meal he has ever tasted.


	8. Intimacy

Title: Intimacy

Author: KayBo

Rating: NC-17

Word count: 460

Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis belong to Annie Proulx and all others who had a hand in bringing them to life. I own nothing and have nothing to sue over.

Intimacy

For the first time in a long time, Ennis is home again.

He feels like he has been reborn and given a second chance at his entire existence. He is splayed on the rickety bed in Jack's—no, _their_—room with an angel above him. He hasn't been to service in at least two decades but he swears he is being blessed by God himself, if God were to bless such acts.

Ennis is being lavished with so much attention that he can't focus on just one feeling. He is overloaded by the eager tenderness and deliberate simplicity of Jack's actions. His body is being massaged by what feels like five hands, while Jack murmurs promises of forever into his ears.

Jack's moans slither their way into Ennis's ears and for once he has no urge to stifle the noise. He makes no reach for the multitude of pillows Jack keeps on his—no, _their_—bed. Instead he lets a groan escape when Jack drags his tongue ever so slowly down the ridge of his vertebrae. He squirms in pleasure when his tongue ventures still lower.

Ennis raises his hips trying to keep his body in contact with the slick muscle, but he is thwarted by Jack's hands holding him down.

"Whoa, there, cowboy." Jack says with a smile in his voice.

Ennis wants to scream and cry and pass out all at once. He doesn't know how to show Jack how much he has missed this. He doesn't know how to show Jack how much he wants everything to be perfect between them. He settles for a drawn out cry and squeezes his eyes shut.

Ennis thinks that Jack should feel just as amazing as he is making him feel. The velvet of Jack's tongue and the roughened silk of his hands are bringing him to heights he hasn't been to in years.

Ennis lays flat on his stomach and spreads his legs, surrendering himself to Jack. Jack takes what is offered, easing his fingers inside of Ennis as if searching for a hidden treasure. Jack can't take much of this before he slides determinedly forward to join with his man. They move together in a rhythm that gets better and better the more it's practiced.

Jack pushes Ennis on to his side and just looks at him. Ennis is glad to see the brilliant blue from Brokeback staring back at him.

Jack knows that it isn't about the sex. It's about knowing that Ennis is really _here_. That the lingering doubt and fear is being left behind so that their life can finally become whole again.

Ennis looks at Jack looking at him and sees his own reflection staring back at him from clear blue skies. He looks happy.


End file.
